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What to Say (and Not Say) to Someone with Alzheimer’s: A Caregiver’s Guide
When someone you love is living with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia, everyday conversations can become surprisingly difficult.
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Written by
Tyler Zanini, Founder at Memoryboard
You might ask a simple question and get an angry response. You might mean well but say something that causes confusion or sadness.
Words matter, especially when memory loss makes the world feel unpredictable and overwhelming. As a caregiver, learning what to say (and what not to say) can make your loved one feel safer, more respected, and more connected.
This guide will walk you through supportive language strategies and common communication mistakes to avoid when talking to someone with Alzheimer’s.
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Why Communication Changes With Alzheimer’s
Alzheimer’s affects memory, reasoning, and language. Over time, your loved one may struggle to find the right words, follow conversations, or understand abstract concepts. This can lead to confusion, frustration, and even fear.
What helps most? Familiarity, patience, and gentle reassurance. Your tone, body language, and choice of words all play a role in making your loved one feel secure.
What to Say to Someone With Alzheimer’s
Here are phrases and strategies that promote understanding and emotional connection:
1. “You’re safe. I’m here with you.”
These words provide comfort during moments of confusion or anxiety. Reassurance is one of the most powerful tools you have.
2. “Let’s do this together.”
Framing things as a team effort helps reduce feelings of helplessness. Instead of giving orders, you're inviting cooperation.
3. “That sounds like it was really important to you.”
When your loved one brings up a past memory—whether it’s accurate or not—validate the emotion behind it. They may not remember the details, but the feelings are real.
4. “Tell me more about that.”
Open-ended questions can spark conversation and give your loved one a sense of control and dignity.
5. “It’s okay. Take your time.”
Avoid rushing. Give space for your loved one to find their words or thoughts. Patience goes a long way.
6. “That’s a beautiful story.”
Even if the story doesn’t quite make sense, acknowledge its value. This builds confidence and trust.
7. Use their name often
Saying their name in a calm, friendly tone can bring them back into the moment and help them feel recognized.
What Not to Say to Someone With Alzheimer’s
Even with the best intentions, some phrases can cause confusion, embarrassment, or distress. Here are common ones to avoid, and why:
1. “Do you remember…?”
Why not: It puts pressure on your loved one and highlights memory loss.
Instead try: “I was thinking about the time we went to the beach—such a fun day!”
2. “I just told you that.”
Why not: It can make them feel ashamed or defensive.
Instead try: Gently repeat the answer without pointing out the repetition.
3. “You already asked that.”
Why not: It sounds accusatory and reinforces their struggle.
Instead try: Smile and answer again as if it’s the first time.
4. “That’s not right.” or “No, that didn’t happen.”
Why not: Arguing or correcting may escalate confusion or lead to agitation.
Instead try: Redirect the conversation or respond to the emotion behind the comment.
5. “What did you do today?”
Why not: This question relies on short-term memory, which is often impaired.
Instead try: “It’s such a nice afternoon. Want to sit outside for a bit?”
6. “You’re wrong.” or “That doesn’t make sense.”
Why not: This invalidates their reality and can feel humiliating.
Instead try: Acknowledge their feelings and steer the conversation toward something familiar.
Tips for Better Conversations With Someone With Alzheimer’s
Speak slowly and clearly:
Use simple sentences and pause between ideas to allow time for processing.
Make eye contact and use positive body language:
Your facial expressions and tone often communicate more than your words.
Use visual cues when possible:
Pointing, showing, or demonstrating can help clarify what you’re saying.
Avoid background noise:
Try to limit distractions, such as TVs, radios, or other people talking, to make it easier to focus.
Be flexible and forgiving:
Some days will be easier than others. Don’t worry about saying everything perfectly—just show up with kindness.
Remember: It’s Not About Being Perfect. It’s About Being Present.
When caring for someone with Alzheimer’s, the goal of communication isn’t to correct or teach. It’s to connect. Every kind word, gentle tone, and reassuring touch helps build trust and comfort—even if your loved one doesn’t remember the conversation itself.
Being a caregiver is hard work, but the small moments of connection make a big difference.
Need Help Keeping Your Loved One Connected and Oriented?
Memoryboard is a simple, supportive tool for families navigating memory loss. It helps your loved one stay grounded in their routine—showing them what day it is, who’s visiting, and what to expect each day. Designed by caregivers, it’s easy to set up, easy to love.
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